Oh sh*t, it's the holiday season
how to plan it out without losing your mind part 1
The other morning while I was quietly sipping my coffee before heading to the gym, my wife turned to me and said the meanest thing, “Hey, what do you wanna do for Thanksgiving?” How dare she. Thanksgiving? At a time like this? Groceries cost so fucking much right now that I’m out here looking for the cheapest spot to buy onions. ONIONS. And now I’ve got to think about a big, multi dish meal in the very near future? Can life just chill for a damn second? It feels disrespectful to keep marching us forward like this. But my wife is right. We all need to start planning for the holidays because they’re coming, ready or not.
Let’s start with the easy shit. Part of getting ready for the holidays is stress management. You’ve got plenty of time right now. Getting ahead is going to help you relax and join in the fun when it’s finally time to party. I’m not in the mood right now either, but let’s do it for our future selves. Burnout is not cute. I want to be laughing, clinking glasses, and going back for thirds with you in the very near future. Now is the time to start finalizing whatever your big meal of the season is. Maybe you’re hosting Thanksgiving, a Christmas party, a New Year’s bash, an office potluck, or are just cursed with a December birthday (like me). Either way, now is the time to start getting a rough estimate of how many people you need to feed and when. Are you doing a potluck? A sit-down meal? A spread of bites that people can graze on all night? There’s no right answer so that’s all on you.
Once you know about how many people you expect and how you want to feast, there’s a few more questions that you can run through to help set yourself up for success. We don’t need to worry about what you’re cooking yet so go ahead and relax your shoulders. We’ve got some basics to cover. Ready?
Where’s all your stuff?
You might think you know where your trays, serving utensils, favorite tablecloth, etc. are but you don’t. I will swear I boxed everything up the year before and stuck it in the garage, but then I go check and realize that I’m full of shit. It was an item on my to-do list that I thought about so much that I hallucinated accomplishing it. Very cool. Instead, I frantically stuck stuff wherever it would fit and swore I’d remember and box it up later. I didn’t and now I definitely don’t remember. And neither do you, so go look for your stuff. Who did you loan your crockpot to? Are your extra long tongs trapped in a layer of grime out on the grill? Is your biggest, nicest bowl currently holding mail, keys, and your dog’s leash? Go hunt down everything you need to host a crowd. Think of it as a treasure hunt, but for stuff you already own.
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Who cannot be trusted?
Friends and family members LOVE to volunteer to bring stuff, to cook a dish, and help out because it’s the right thing. But how many of these people actually follow-through? Almost zero. I know that when they commit to bringing mac and cheese or stuffing, they mean it. They sincerely believe that they will do it but let’s be real. You can’t stop them from lying to themselves but you can stop yourself from believing them. If Uncle Jay showed up last year 30 minutes before you were set to eat with a bag of loose, unwashed Brussels sprouts in a big plastic bag, put him on your enemies list. That grown man doesn’t deserve the opportunity to stress you out. He doesn’t actually want to help; he just wants credit. Not this year. If you can’t tell them no, put your untrustworthy friends and family on low stakes tasks like beverages, whipped cream for pie, or extra chairs. If they insist on bringing something like mashed potatoes, don’t believe them. My family (bless their hearts) brought mashed potatoes over last year and I had to put so much effort into giving them flavor that I might as well have made them myself. This year, they’re bringing chairs. Want off my enemies list? EARN IT.
Who’s allergic to what now?
There’s no reason to go through all the effort of cooking a big meal if lots of people coming can’t enjoy the food. It’s easy to see people’s allergies and preferences around food as annoying but that’s only true if you find out at the last minute. The point of holiday entertaining is to show people a good time and make sure they are well-fed. So if someone is gluten-free, vegan, or allergic to nuts, you should give a shit. But only if you know ahead of time. Give me a chance to succeed damnit! Ask around when firming up the invite list and keep any of the restrictions in the back of your mind when you are settling on the menu. It’s like 10 extra minutes of effort but it means a lot to your guests. I remember every single person who’s made the effort to make dishes that I can eat and I would crawl over broken glass for those sweetie pies. But you can’t help people who keep their needs to themselves. If they don’t say anything when you ask, and then start complaining day-of that there’s nothing they can eat, you get to tell them to shut the fuck up with a clear conscious. It’s a win-win.
See? That checklist isn’t so hard. You can pull all of that off over a few days and set yourself up for success. We are all so tired but there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. The holiday season has just gotten started and there are lots of great meals with family and friends ahead of us. We just need to plan it out a little. We have joy in our future, let’s count on that while we figure out everything else.
Next week, it will be time to pick some recipes. Luckily, you know somebody who’s got a bunch of ideas. I’m dropping three new holiday recipes next weekend for paid subscribers but I’ve attached a few here for free. Many of you have been cooking some of these holiday recipes—like my sourdough stuffing—for years, and it means a lot to be included in your celebrations. So maybe this year, you might consider becoming a paid subscriber and directly support my work. How long have you been whipping up this cranberry and quinoa pilaf with roasted brussels sprouts? A decade? Did the tamales last year change your life? Maybe throw a little change my way so that I can keep buying groceries and creating recipes for all the celebrations in our future. Consider it my onion money. Also paid subscribers get access to my Cooking Concierge service where I answer all your cooking and menu-planning questions within 48 hours. Need help with those gluten-free guests? Want to make something now that you can freeze for the holidays? I’m here for you.
We have so much to look forward to in the next few months. I can feel it. Let’s start with dinner.
Thank you to everyone here at Stir the Pot. I love writing for you each week and I hope these newsletters bring you as much hope and joy as they do to me. Tomorrow, paid subscribers are getting some extra confidence with a how-to video on shaping bagels so that their pumpkin bagels come out *perfect* this year. Still not on the list? Get it together.
Want more food and goofiness? Follow me on Instagram for more cat photos and general tomfoolery. Go vote and next week, we’ll check some more items off our holiday to-do list. We’ve got this!
xoxo,
Michelle
The thing about onions killed me. One of my local stores did a special with onions at a dollar a pound, limit ten pounds, and I scammed the system for a whopping eleven pounds of onions for $11. Ok, not so much a scam since they let me do it, but I'll be riding that wave for a while. After all, how many onion baronesses can you claim to know?
A group of friends have thrown a tamale making party every year for decades. We've not done it the past couple years because it's been the past couple years.😕 But it's back on next weekend and the jackfruit green chile filling will be the veggie star of the show. I ❤️ the cooking season!