I recently left a 5 year relationship with an addict because I was done with the lies. So many lines in here that resonated, and even more that made me burst out laughing! Thank you for sharing this refreshing take and congrats on having the courage to leave.
Right back at you. It's hard to leave but you're right, with a little distance all the bullshit starts to sound hilarious. We've got this. Reality can't be harder than dealing with all the lies.
You don't have to feel ashamed, Michelle. We do the best we can with what we know to do at the time. A lot of the time, we're just protecting ourselves and that takes a lot of energy.
You keep on truckin'. You'll do fine. Keep making your food, writing your blogs, and putting out those recipes.
i love you and the exponential growth as a human i’ve watched unfold in the last year. my goodness! reading your voice in this and thinking back to the voice i got to know initially 9 years ago is like two different people. ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Thanks so much for sharing your experience Michelle. I’m glad you’re moving forward from things :)
Also, I LAUGHED OUT LOUD so hard when I read the part about national television because I remember watching that clip shortly after I came across your first cookbook and thinking to myself, “well, Michelle is cooking, the host is helping, what the fuck is this dude doing?”
Also, what were you in grad school for again? I’m pretty sure you had mentioned it way back on the pod but I forget and was just curious.
Writing about it definitely helps me and I hope it helps others too. I’m learning how to set all this weight down so I don’t stay too long in that headspace. Time and therapy help but so does building a nice little life for myself. Brighter days are ahead for all of us ❤️
So glad you’re getting out of this shitty situation and building a better life 💪 I related to so much of this. In fact, I ran into one of these people today, and I’m going to speak out about their shit instead of letting them pretend everything is okay. It’s hard work, but like you said, time and therapy work wonders. It gets easier and more natural to stand up for yourself despite all of their nasty tactics to try to get you to do the opposite.
Truly. It’s always hard. But until standing up for ourselves becomes second nature with these kinds of people, we’ve just got to fake it and have our panic attacks in private.
In a lame attempt to bring some levity to a heavy subject, and continuing the musical theme from my previous comment... Name a song written about narcissists.
I'll go first. "You're So Vain", Carly Simon 1972. (They've walked among us for quite a while.)
Last week I have been thinking about how you were doing all the work in that 'arrangement' and annoyed at myself for focusing on the bs about how taking photos is 'real work' and creating recipes (cooking) is not. It took some time to register that you were doing all the work. You were doing ALL the work. Unbelievable. You are not dwelling, you are unpacking what led to that and making sure that it doesn't happen again, Your courage is inspiring Michelle and we are your cheer squad! Articulating narcissist and gaslighting behavior helps us all escape, heal and move on. My Mother is a narcissist, and you can imagine how that set up my siblings and I for healthy relationships. We are now, finally, talking about all the fucked up things that went on and I am so grateful that we are getting out the other side. Keep being brave Michelle - we love hearing you re-take your power:)
Thank you so much! I can only imagine how that affected your family and probably isolated all of you from each other. Talking and healing together must have seemed impossible for so long. Congratulations to all of trying to fix what’s broken and heal what we can ❤️
Michelle, Everything you wrote, resonated with my own life. Only difference is that it was my ex husband. I couldn't recoup. Courts and local town mayor'f office & agencies 'took me out' house & everything. Nothing left. I'm so very glad that you came out of it, albeit with scars. I sure would like to join you in cooking up a vegan dish.
I’m so sorry. It’s an impossible situation to navigate and getting through it is an accomplish all on its own. Here’s to all the delish meals in our future 🥂
I’m so sorry for what you went through. It takes real courage to leave a situation that holds you back. I hope you can see how loved you are here. I am grateful for you and such an inspiration to look up to.
It’s funny how hard it is to take in all the good stuff when I have no issue taking in all the negativity lol. But yes, writing about it and talking with all of you helps so much ❤️
Honestly I am so sad that you endured so much. None of us knew what it was like behind the scenes. It took real guts to leave a bad situation. I wish nothing but good things for you in the future.
I don't think Trent Reznor was thinking of narcissists when he wrote "Only" but I hear this in my head when I run into one... kind of a theme song I imagine on repeat in their brain.
I'm so sorry that you can relate so strongly. It's really hard to put words to experience. Yes, I'm that the legacy of this experience will be long but it doesn't get to be our defining reality anymore. And thank fuck for that!
Indeed!! At times you feel you’ll never be free from it , but you will, your triggers aren’t as jarring with time, you regroup and tell yourself, that’s over, I’m through the other side!
It’s been a winding road, I hopped right into therapy , god send always, learning to put myself first, for the first time, without any accompanying guilt. Believing in your self worth and your right to happiness. Rediscovering what I truly love and want to do, it’s a process after making others your priority forever, figuring out who you were before and knowing that person is still there inside, just needs a little love and attention to unearth!
First, congratulations on leaving. I’m sure that was hard as hell and I can’t imagine hearing all that shit in ONE SESSION. He’s lucky to be alive. Isn’t it beautiful finding out who you are when you don’t have all that dead weight to carry? Happiness is ahead for sure ❤️
I left my 27 year marriage in January. We went to couples therapy once where he revealed then blamed me for his affairs. I immediately moved out and he moved on to someone else within a week. He wanted to be best friends! But wouldn’t apologize. My therapist has helped me, like Susan says, to find my own happiness. He always told me it was my fault we didn’t have friends. Now I am a joiner! I invite myself to things. I invite others to hang out. I plan trips and dinners and my social calendar is full. All my old friends have told me they hated HIM!!! And are so glad to be back in my life now that he’s gone. I’m so angry he reduced me to nothing. That I sat at home alone while he partied all night long and told me I was boring because I have a full time job. I have a cute home, I’m getting a cat, I’m caring for plants, I’m reading, I’m finding new hobbies, and I don’t miss him at all. As TS says, I’ve forgotten him, but I’ll never forgive him. You can do this. There’s so much happiness waiting for you on the other side.
Wow Michelle, every week is a new revelation for the crap you were in, and also reflecting on myself. I hate that all of us have had to deal with these types. I recently dropped a long time friend for this very reason. I love coming out on the other side stronger though, right? Amazing. Keep them coming!! One side note: I remember listening to your old podcasts (maybe a year ago) and getting annoyed for you because it was so clear you had done all the work! And he hadn't even read the notes you typed up for him! Obviously, at the time I had no idea what was going on, but boy did it piss me off, lol.
You have inspired me to read up more on this very important subject, any recommendations for books or sources of information to further enlighten myself are welcomed.
Just about to start reading Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez.
I have Invisible Women on my nightstand right now! You are on the right path and clearly have good taste. Emotional Labor by Rose Hackman is a great one . It offered me a lot of much needed perspective.
I recently left a 5 year relationship with an addict because I was done with the lies. So many lines in here that resonated, and even more that made me burst out laughing! Thank you for sharing this refreshing take and congrats on having the courage to leave.
Right back at you. It's hard to leave but you're right, with a little distance all the bullshit starts to sound hilarious. We've got this. Reality can't be harder than dealing with all the lies.
You don't have to feel ashamed, Michelle. We do the best we can with what we know to do at the time. A lot of the time, we're just protecting ourselves and that takes a lot of energy.
You keep on truckin'. You'll do fine. Keep making your food, writing your blogs, and putting out those recipes.
i love you and the exponential growth as a human i’ve watched unfold in the last year. my goodness! reading your voice in this and thinking back to the voice i got to know initially 9 years ago is like two different people. ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Growth is one hell of a thing! ❤️
Thanks so much for sharing your experience Michelle. I’m glad you’re moving forward from things :)
Also, I LAUGHED OUT LOUD so hard when I read the part about national television because I remember watching that clip shortly after I came across your first cookbook and thinking to myself, “well, Michelle is cooking, the host is helping, what the fuck is this dude doing?”
Also, what were you in grad school for again? I’m pretty sure you had mentioned it way back on the pod but I forget and was just curious.
I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one wondering what was happening lol.
History! I was a double major in undergrad (history and women’s studies) and focused on women in my grad program. Another lifetime ago for sure
Ahhh right. That makes sense. I really geeked out on a couple of the food history bits you discussed on the pod 🤓
I loved doing those segments. History nerd foreverrrrrtt
Wow. I hope that cleared up some of the pain you still carry. Easier said than done, but I believe it was the Buddha who said "let that shit go."
Take care
Writing about it definitely helps me and I hope it helps others too. I’m learning how to set all this weight down so I don’t stay too long in that headspace. Time and therapy help but so does building a nice little life for myself. Brighter days are ahead for all of us ❤️
So glad you’re getting out of this shitty situation and building a better life 💪 I related to so much of this. In fact, I ran into one of these people today, and I’m going to speak out about their shit instead of letting them pretend everything is okay. It’s hard work, but like you said, time and therapy work wonders. It gets easier and more natural to stand up for yourself despite all of their nasty tactics to try to get you to do the opposite.
Truly. It’s always hard. But until standing up for ourselves becomes second nature with these kinds of people, we’ve just got to fake it and have our panic attacks in private.
Yeppp been there 🙃🫠🙃
In a lame attempt to bring some levity to a heavy subject, and continuing the musical theme from my previous comment... Name a song written about narcissists.
I'll go first. "You're So Vain", Carly Simon 1972. (They've walked among us for quite a while.)
Gonna leave with this one for the evening. "Narcissistic Cannibal" #subtle
Lolololol. Carly is one of the best to ever do it. Such a perfect song.
Two of my favorites right now are The Opener by Camp Cope and Breadwinner by Kacey Musgraves !
Jeeeezus. The Opener doesn't pull any punches!
Right?!?’ It’s blistering and a banger lol
Just listening to Breadwinner now. WTaF? You chat with her when she wrote that?! #tooliteral
😂
He ex husband put her through itttttt. Such a good little ditty though
Her* ughh
I’m dying 😂💀
How did I not remember that one? I’d kill to have Natalie Maine’s voice
😂😂😂
Holy shit. Another spot on tune!
wait is this the same Holloway who made his sister's murder all about him?
No, it’s a very common name and behavior pattern though. That’d be on hell of a twist!
Last week I have been thinking about how you were doing all the work in that 'arrangement' and annoyed at myself for focusing on the bs about how taking photos is 'real work' and creating recipes (cooking) is not. It took some time to register that you were doing all the work. You were doing ALL the work. Unbelievable. You are not dwelling, you are unpacking what led to that and making sure that it doesn't happen again, Your courage is inspiring Michelle and we are your cheer squad! Articulating narcissist and gaslighting behavior helps us all escape, heal and move on. My Mother is a narcissist, and you can imagine how that set up my siblings and I for healthy relationships. We are now, finally, talking about all the fucked up things that went on and I am so grateful that we are getting out the other side. Keep being brave Michelle - we love hearing you re-take your power:)
Thank you so much! I can only imagine how that affected your family and probably isolated all of you from each other. Talking and healing together must have seemed impossible for so long. Congratulations to all of trying to fix what’s broken and heal what we can ❤️
Michelle, Everything you wrote, resonated with my own life. Only difference is that it was my ex husband. I couldn't recoup. Courts and local town mayor'f office & agencies 'took me out' house & everything. Nothing left. I'm so very glad that you came out of it, albeit with scars. I sure would like to join you in cooking up a vegan dish.
I’m so sorry. It’s an impossible situation to navigate and getting through it is an accomplish all on its own. Here’s to all the delish meals in our future 🥂
I’m so sorry for what you went through. It takes real courage to leave a situation that holds you back. I hope you can see how loved you are here. I am grateful for you and such an inspiration to look up to.
It’s funny how hard it is to take in all the good stuff when I have no issue taking in all the negativity lol. But yes, writing about it and talking with all of you helps so much ❤️
Honestly I am so sad that you endured so much. None of us knew what it was like behind the scenes. It took real guts to leave a bad situation. I wish nothing but good things for you in the future.
❤️❤️❤️
I don't think Trent Reznor was thinking of narcissists when he wrote "Only" but I hear this in my head when I run into one... kind of a theme song I imagine on repeat in their brain.
There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
oowf, that hits so deeply. adding to my playlist!
That was my marriage took me forever to get out, reverberations will be felt forever but life is becoming great
I'm so sorry that you can relate so strongly. It's really hard to put words to experience. Yes, I'm that the legacy of this experience will be long but it doesn't get to be our defining reality anymore. And thank fuck for that!
Indeed!! At times you feel you’ll never be free from it , but you will, your triggers aren’t as jarring with time, you regroup and tell yourself, that’s over, I’m through the other side!
It’s been a winding road, I hopped right into therapy , god send always, learning to put myself first, for the first time, without any accompanying guilt. Believing in your self worth and your right to happiness. Rediscovering what I truly love and want to do, it’s a process after making others your priority forever, figuring out who you were before and knowing that person is still there inside, just needs a little love and attention to unearth!
First, congratulations on leaving. I’m sure that was hard as hell and I can’t imagine hearing all that shit in ONE SESSION. He’s lucky to be alive. Isn’t it beautiful finding out who you are when you don’t have all that dead weight to carry? Happiness is ahead for sure ❤️
I left my 27 year marriage in January. We went to couples therapy once where he revealed then blamed me for his affairs. I immediately moved out and he moved on to someone else within a week. He wanted to be best friends! But wouldn’t apologize. My therapist has helped me, like Susan says, to find my own happiness. He always told me it was my fault we didn’t have friends. Now I am a joiner! I invite myself to things. I invite others to hang out. I plan trips and dinners and my social calendar is full. All my old friends have told me they hated HIM!!! And are so glad to be back in my life now that he’s gone. I’m so angry he reduced me to nothing. That I sat at home alone while he partied all night long and told me I was boring because I have a full time job. I have a cute home, I’m getting a cat, I’m caring for plants, I’m reading, I’m finding new hobbies, and I don’t miss him at all. As TS says, I’ve forgotten him, but I’ll never forgive him. You can do this. There’s so much happiness waiting for you on the other side.
Wow Michelle, every week is a new revelation for the crap you were in, and also reflecting on myself. I hate that all of us have had to deal with these types. I recently dropped a long time friend for this very reason. I love coming out on the other side stronger though, right? Amazing. Keep them coming!! One side note: I remember listening to your old podcasts (maybe a year ago) and getting annoyed for you because it was so clear you had done all the work! And he hadn't even read the notes you typed up for him! Obviously, at the time I had no idea what was going on, but boy did it piss me off, lol.
Yes! It's so great to some out of the otherside feeling stronger and closer to yourself.
Ahhh yes, the podcasts. Imagine what got cut out!
Michelle!! xoxoxo
You have inspired me to read up more on this very important subject, any recommendations for books or sources of information to further enlighten myself are welcomed.
Just about to start reading Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez.
I have Invisible Women on my nightstand right now! You are on the right path and clearly have good taste. Emotional Labor by Rose Hackman is a great one . It offered me a lot of much needed perspective.
I will take that compliment, thank you! From someone as accomplished in flavours as you it is high praise indeed!
I'll add that to my list.
Please continue sharing, you are awesome.