Oh my God. I feel this piece so intensely. I burn with that same bitter realization that I was sold a total package of lies and even worse than that, that I bought it for as long as I did. I'm nearly 48 and I am just now really digging into the meat of all my shit. I was a good girl too and all it got me was hurt...
Kudos to all of you who may be classified as "difficult" for speaking your truth and taking care of yourself and refusing to co-sign others' bullshit. Call me difficult too, and as a recovering woman figuring out life one day, one job, one partner at a time, difficult is a compliment and means I am likely not your doormat. Not today. Perhaps this is why I enjoy cooking - my expectations are rarely unreasonable.
I want to say something so badly, but I cant get it out. I've typed out my damn story here three times now, and every time I read it over, I sound spluttering and rageful. I AM spluttering and rageful. I just went through a cusotdy battle in which accusations against me genuinely had me questioning what century we live in. ( To name juuuuust a couple, I was asked to list every one of my past sexual partners, I was accused of child neglect because I prioritized breastfeeding my daughter(( I nursed her for 3 years, it was fucking beautiful)) and I was accused of financially abusing my ex by "forcing" him to have a shared bank account and requiring conversations before making big purchases-even though I worked full time, only his name was listed on all of our shared assets, and he retained EVERYTHING when he left me for another woman! Splutter spluttler splutter! See what I mean ? )What I learned is that no matter how nice you are, no matter how placatingly you accept being treated like garbage, no matter how much you try to be the bigger person and stay calm and focus on your own actions.. there is no one holding the assholes accountable. If I'm going to be accused of being a fearsome, vindictive, self serving, delusional, dangerous and promiscuous woman anyways.. well heck..why am I still trying to make myself smaller? I'm smart and I stick up for myself now and im a damn good example for my daughter and YEP that's scary.
Fuck yes to all of this. They are going to call us every name in the book when we don't give them what they want anyway so we might as start taking up some space. It's crazy how quickly they show you who they are when you push back just a little.
I'm so sorry that your former partner wanted so much but offered you so little. You should be rageful, any sane person would be. You're right, no one is holding the assholes accountable. I'm glad you've found your voice and are showing your daughter the way. The world will be a better place because of it ❤️
If this hasn’t gotten sorted yet, pm me. Your lawyer friend who knows a thing or two about this sort of thing. Much love. Merritt
Ohhhh I will!!
“You don’t accrue points for good behavior, you only get them docked when you stop being a doormat.”
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!
So true right?
This was an amazing read thank you.
Thank you so much
This was a transforming write up. Sticks with you.
Thank you ❤️
"I don’t want to be a good girl anymore. It’s unsustainable."
thank you, michelle, for sharing so transparently.
i'm 69 and a recovering good girl.
I love this- really resonates for me!
I love this - great writing and GOOD FOR YOU!
Resonates so much! Going through the process now of not being a crowd pleaser anymore...it feels good.
Thanks for sharing
It's hard work to change but not harder than staying the same. I'm glad you're doing it too.
Oh my God. I feel this piece so intensely. I burn with that same bitter realization that I was sold a total package of lies and even worse than that, that I bought it for as long as I did. I'm nearly 48 and I am just now really digging into the meat of all my shit. I was a good girl too and all it got me was hurt...
Not only is this post liked, it's mad LOVED.
The response has been INCREDIBLE. I’ve been blushing for days.
You were an amazing little girl, and have obviously grown up to be a bad ass woman!!!
Love all your insights of navigating life by your own rule book!
Sandy! Well I’m a lot more bad ass because I learned all about The Stones from you ❤️
Kudos to all of you who may be classified as "difficult" for speaking your truth and taking care of yourself and refusing to co-sign others' bullshit. Call me difficult too, and as a recovering woman figuring out life one day, one job, one partner at a time, difficult is a compliment and means I am likely not your doormat. Not today. Perhaps this is why I enjoy cooking - my expectations are rarely unreasonable.
Exactly! Let’s stop being afraid of being called difficult. They’re going to call us names no matter what.
So much truth so beautifully shared. Thank you for this piece it is so needed.
Thank you so much. I know you can relate ❤️
Fair play to you! We should reframe it, being called a Bitch is a good thing. It means we stand up for ourselves !
I want to say something so badly, but I cant get it out. I've typed out my damn story here three times now, and every time I read it over, I sound spluttering and rageful. I AM spluttering and rageful. I just went through a cusotdy battle in which accusations against me genuinely had me questioning what century we live in. ( To name juuuuust a couple, I was asked to list every one of my past sexual partners, I was accused of child neglect because I prioritized breastfeeding my daughter(( I nursed her for 3 years, it was fucking beautiful)) and I was accused of financially abusing my ex by "forcing" him to have a shared bank account and requiring conversations before making big purchases-even though I worked full time, only his name was listed on all of our shared assets, and he retained EVERYTHING when he left me for another woman! Splutter spluttler splutter! See what I mean ? )What I learned is that no matter how nice you are, no matter how placatingly you accept being treated like garbage, no matter how much you try to be the bigger person and stay calm and focus on your own actions.. there is no one holding the assholes accountable. If I'm going to be accused of being a fearsome, vindictive, self serving, delusional, dangerous and promiscuous woman anyways.. well heck..why am I still trying to make myself smaller? I'm smart and I stick up for myself now and im a damn good example for my daughter and YEP that's scary.
Fuck yes to all of this. They are going to call us every name in the book when we don't give them what they want anyway so we might as start taking up some space. It's crazy how quickly they show you who they are when you push back just a little.
I'm so sorry that your former partner wanted so much but offered you so little. You should be rageful, any sane person would be. You're right, no one is holding the assholes accountable. I'm glad you've found your voice and are showing your daughter the way. The world will be a better place because of it ❤️
Poignant AF.