It's Giving Effort
the only thing I want this holiday season
This Thanksgiving everyone is pitching in. I’m tired of seeing all these think-pieces and posts about building community, showing up, and knowing so many of those same people aren’t helping with anything when it counts. 2025 has been too hard to expect the holidays to happen without participating in their creation. Those pies don’t just bake themselves. It’s fine to skip the holidays—I’ve done it many times myself—but don’t pretend to be a curmudgeon while still attending every event and eating all the food. It’s tacky. Keep your grumpy ass at home and enjoy the quiet. Pointing out all the problems in the world, in your family, and with a meal is easy, but what are you doing to change things? I’m tired of the complaints. Let’s start trying some damn solutions. If you want to build some community, strengthen bonds with your chosen family and friends, then it’s going to take a little work. Everyone is struggling under the heaviness of this year so we should share the weight. There’s only one rule this holiday season: effort.
It’s ok if your holidays meals are a little less bountiful than years prior. There isn’t an adult in North American who doesn’t know that groceries are skyrocketing in price. Our holiday meals can reflect that reality, and our behavior should too. Food is too damn expensive for your cousin to show up 15 minutes before the meal is served with nothing but a smile. If they’re broke, that’s fine, they’re in good company, but they’ve got to put some skin in the game. Ask them to do the dishes, watch the kids while other people cook, you know, just be of some use to earn their place at the table. If they start bitching, they can keep on bitching as you walk them right out the front door. Whiners don’t eat for free, not in this economy.
I’m not telling you to put the holidays all on your back. Again, this is about community. Just because you’re hosting, or are one of the better cooks in your group, that doesn’t mean you have to make the holidays happen all on your own. Ask the competent members of your circle for a little help. Sure, you might wish that they’d just volunteer but some people are dense. Put someone in charge of beverages, someone else in charge of appetizers, someone else in charge of dessert. Preserve some precious energy, your effort isn’t the only one that counts. To keep the meal cohesive, tell them what you’re cooking and what kinds of desserts, appetizers etc. you think would go well. Ask them for suggestions as you offer some of yours. People love to feel included. It might be annoying, but the price of community is being a little annoyed. Ask for their input and effort, and they’ll feel important enough to not let the whole party down. That’s a win for everyone.
And lastly, I’m here to help too. Here’s a link to all my old holiday recipes and you can find some updated ones right here. If you have questions about how to modify recipes for allergies or picky guests, send me an email or dm on Substack. I am always happy to lend a hand.
If you’re looking for one last recipe to round out your table, tomorrow paid subscribers are getting a brand-new recipe for my Stuffing Dinner Rolls. All the flavors of stuffing, fresh herbs, and some pumpkin make these rolls taste just like Autumn. They’re the perfect vehicle for all your leftover Thanksgiving leftovers too. Want the recipe? Get on the list babe.
What are you cooking up for the holidays this year? Do you struggle to ask for help? Are you keeping it simple and saving the celebrations for another year? Let me know in the comments!
Xoxo,
Michelle
Time Travel Cooking
The last thing any of us want to do is think about the holidays but here we are. Time moves forward regardless of how hard we beg for a damn break. I am going to ease us in this week by reminding you of all the wonderful fall and Thanksgiving recipes I posted last year. A theme emerged in my cooking and I just went with it.
What about the dine and dash Michelle 🤬. I’ve had people show up like you write here 15 minutes before empty handed eat, drink, then leave shortly after. The invite is no longer sent out to them.
The holidays mostly make me feel sad, so I try not to inflict that on others.
But I am 100% behind your idea of everyone contributing to the meal in some manner, make some effort. I've found that most people want to contribute something. They don't want to show up empty-handed, ya know? They want to be helpful and stuff.
Most people.
Ideas like thrifting Mason jars to use as drinking glasses.