How to Fix F*cked Up Food

let's save dinner from the garbage can 🗑️

My wife and I have been sick since the fires started in LA. First it was just a dry cough and terrible headache but now it’s morphed into some type of cold. Neither of us have been this sick since we got COVID on our honeymoon and it shows. We’re pathetic, just wasting away on the couch and taking turns making dinner. We’re hilariously congested and food has lost almost all of its taste. This is when we start making mistakes in the kitchen. It happens to all of us. We try to throw something together for dinner and we’re distracted, stressed, sick, or all of the above, and the food suffers. Before you know it, dinner tastes terrible--even if you can barely taste it. Groceries cost way too much money to be wasting food and delivery is too expensive to be a fall back plan. You’ve got to cook your way out of this problem. This week I’m showing you how to fix dinner when things go off the rails. So if your meal is too spicy, too salty, or too shitty, I’m here to help you out so your time in the kitchen wasn’t a total waste.

SALTY

Accidentally over salting your recipe is probably one of the most common mistakes in the kitchen. Maybe you forgot that your spice blend and veggie broth all have salt in them and then added a bunch of salt without tasting it. Maybe you forgot soy sauce was salty and just poured that in too. Either way, you’ve just tasted your recipe and it’s salty as hell. This is a hard one to fix for many home cooks, because it’s not intuitive right out of the gate. But you do have some options. First, if it’s a soup or stew, try adding a little water. You might need to bulk up the rest of your flavors after but sometimes a cup of water can do a lot. So add some water, taste, and add more spices if necessary. But if you’re not dealing with a soup or stew, you need more tricks. Next, try a little acid. This works best when the food is just a little too salty to be enjoyable. Squeeze in some lemon juice or add a splash of vinegar and taste again. Acid does a great job at neutralizing salt so that might be enough to get dinner back on track. If your recipe has tomato products in it like tomato paste or sauce, try adding a little more of those since tomatoes are acidic as well. A little acid will fix your salt problem most of the time but sometimes you need to pull out the big guns: a potato.

If your meal is still so salty that you’re guzzling water after taking a bite, grab a potato, any potato. Peel it and chop it into big chunks that will be easy to fish out of the dish in a bit. This fix works great for soups and sauces that have a little broth to them since the potato needs room to get in there. The potato will absorb the extra salt as it cooks in your meal without messing up the taste. Let the potato cook along with the food for about 10 minutes and then taste. It should be better or at least on its way. When it tastes right to you, remove the potato and get dinner served. I know some people who like to use a slice of bread in a similar way but I’ve always found that it falls apart too easily whereas a potato is less work and won’t dissolve into your dinner. Now what you do with that salty potato is up to you, no judgment here.

SPICY

Hot Ones is always hilarious

I love spicy food but sometimes I forget that I’m cooking for other people who can’t handle the heat. If you need to dial back the spiciness of your recipe, you’ve got some options. Your best option? Add some fat. Capsaicin, the active compound in chili peppers responsible for the heat, dissolves in fat. That’s why people tell you to drink some milk if your mouth is on fire because it will neutralize the capsaicin, unlike water which will just spread it around. It has nothing to do with it being cow’s milk and everything to do with it being a fatty beverage. It's the same reason so many spicy dishes from India, Bangladesh, and Pakistan are served with a dairy condiment like raita on the side--to cut the heat. So if your dish is way too spicy, add a little plain almond milk, a tablespoon or two of a nut butter, a pad of butter, some more olive oil, or some coconut milk. Just figure out what kind of fat makes the most sense with what you’ve cooked, throw in a little and give the dish a taste. You should be back on track soon.

Not a dish you can add more fat to because it’s not brothy? Then make a fatty sauce for it. Maybe your grilled skewers got marinated in something way too spicy and now your pita wrap is going to kill your stomach. Don’t suffer for no reason. Make a tahini sauce, a yogurt sauce, or cut up an avocado and that fat will help calm the whole mess down so you can actually enjoy your meal. When it comes to heat, fat is your best friend. If your meal is just *a little* too spicy, you can always try adding a little acid too but really, nothing is better than fat.

SHITTY

Sometimes dinner just tastes blah and it’s hard to put your finger on the problem. I’ve been there so many times. This is when you need to rely on your pantry and your secret ingredients. Food just tasting flat? Add a sprinkle of MSG and you are back in business. Have questions about MSG? Click right this way and learn all about why you should have this culinary workhorse in your pantry. I also have a great list here of all my favorite secret ingredients that can be added to most meals to take them from boring to craveable with very little effort. Citric acid, nutritional yeast, and so many other ingredients that can hang out in your pantry for months or years to help make everything taste better at the drop of a hat. We’re trying to cook smarter, not harder ok?

My inner monologue every time I save a meal

99% of meals are savable. Don’t get frustrated and throw the whole thing out. That’s not helping anyone. Just take a beat, assess the problem, and reach for one of these quick fixes to get your dinner back on track. We aren’t wasting food or our damn time anytime more. I’ve got faith in you, even if you’re sick like me.

Still have questions? You can always find me in the comments here or in the group chat for paid subscribers. I’m here to help with whatever you need. Want a solid recipe that won’t be too salty or shitty? You know just where to look.

Tomorrow is a no recipe day but next week we’ll be celebrating the one year anniversary of Stir the Pot with a look back at the year and all we’ve cooked up together. Paid subscribers will get a new Valentine’s Day recipe that’s perfect for someone you wanna impress or to whip up when you want to show yourself a little extra love. I hope you have a great weekend and don’t get sick, ok?

Xoxo,

Michelle